Education Week Notes Tuesday-- Part 2

MEN'S HEARTS FAILING THEM FOR FEAR.  WHY ANXIETY HAS BECOME AN EPIDEMIC AND WHAT YOU CAN DO TO CONQUER IT.  (CARRIE M. WRIGLEY): These are challenging but wonderful times.  Exactly ten years ago she was put in charge of planning a convention for LDS counselors.  She went to the Lord in prayer about how to do this.  She felt impressed that she should do it on a theme of fear. She didn't know why.  Then on September 11 of that year she realized why the Lord wanted faithful counselors to be skilled at helping people who were fearful. So much has happened in the last ten years--anxiety and fear has become an epidemic.  They are more and more common.  D&C 45:26 "And the whole earth shall be in commotion."  Our world may be rocked literally in earthquakes, or more personally as we lose a job or our marriage ends.  The world as we know it is destined to go down.  However, that's good news because that makes room for the world that we are told will come.  Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by adversities.  Feelings like that are common.  Why does God let these things happen?  We might we weighed down in fear so much that it erodes our faith. Forms of anxiety: Specific phobia, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, panic, agoraphobia. Impact of anxiety: Physical: heart rate, breathing, shaking, nausea, dizziness, pain.  Social: Avoidance, isolation, distraction, disengagement. Mental: Distressing images, negative perception, disrupted focus. Spiritual: Dampening of spiritual sensitivity; decrease of faith.  Everything feels scary in ways it didn't before 9/11.  We've all felt fear.  Nobody has been spared.  We don't all have anxiety disorders, but we all feel concerned and worried. Fear comes not of God.  This gnawing destructive element comes from the Adversary. Fear is the opposite of faith.  Of all our needs, the greatest is an increase in faith.  She remembers when she learned that she needed more faith.  January 17, 1991, she was pregnant with her first daughter.  She felt the preciousness of the tiny life within her.  She was watching TV when she looked into the fierce eyes of Sadam Hussein who said, "This is the mother of all battles."  She was terrified.  She was afraid for her baby's future.  But she felt impressed to search the scriptures that day.  She found her answer in D&C 138.  "The enemy in the secret chambers seeketh your lives." It talks about wars in far countries and in your own land. But "If Ye are prepared, Ye shall not fear."  This is an observation, a promise, and also a commandment.  Thou Shalt Not Fear!  When the Lord comes in His glory, He will need a people ready to receive Him.  There have been lifestyle changes in the years since 1962 when she was born.  In 1962 food was mostly home cooked.  Now we eat mostly processed foods.  Fake food and fake drinks disrupt the chemistry of our bodies.  Now it's increasingly rare to find families with a father and mother living at home with children.  Children used to play outdoors; now they play inside with a piece of machinery.  Homes used to be small with minimal debt, now they are large with large debt common.  People used to talk.  Now we text, we tweet, we Facebook.  These are not the same as intimate conversations.  They used to pray in school, now this is not allowed and religious discussion is avoided.  We used to gather as societies for entertainment, now we get entertainment through technology by ourselves.  There is no longer the connectiveness.  This massive social change has had an impact.  Since the 1960's natural disasters have been increasing.  The world is becoming more turbulent.  But in the midst of these terrifying things, there is a sense of calm.  Signs of the times predicted 2,000 years ago: Wars, earthquakes, seas heaving beyond their bounds, desolating scourges, love waxing cold, pollutions, iniquity abounding, hearts failing for fear.  The Coming of Christ is getting closer with each of these signs.  Other signs more positive signs: Bible made available, America colonized, Gospel restored, Book of Mormon, Priesthood restored, temples being built.  Church membership has grown since she was born from one and a half million to over 14 million.  Brigham Young said the church would spread, prosper, grow and extend.  And in proportion to the spread of the gospel among the nations of the earth, so would the power of Satan increase.  While there has been a tenfold increase in the good stuff, so has there been a tenfold increase in the bad stuff.  The prophet doesn't look scared.  He is not troubled and does not fear.  President Benson said prophets have looked forward to our day.  God has saved for our day some of his strongest children.  We are the generation that must be prepared to meet our God.  We can feel joy and hope to live in these days when the Lord's powers are so abundant. 

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART; AND LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING. (JUSTIN M. L. SU'A): He was baptized when he was 13 years old.  His whole family got baptized.  True peak performance is a life centered on Jesus Christ.  The Lord speaks to our hearts and our minds.  God does answer prayers.  There are people who came to this class looking for answers.  If you'll listen with the Spirit, you'll receive impressions.  Write those impressions down and then act on them.  What you think effects how you feel and it what you feel effects how you perform.  Maybe you struggle with the principle of trusting in the Lord.  Maybe you've had so many bad experiences that you find it hard to trust.  We know what we want, but the Lord knows what we need.  Mastery experiences give us confidence.  The dancer who can master the turn will have confidence, as will the pianist who can master the song.  How can you master living the gospel?  Develop a personal relationship with Heavenly Father.  Develop a love for obedience.  To develop trust in someone, you have to get to know them.  Have you prayed to the Lord and told Him exactly what you're feeling?  Sometimes we need to take a time out in our lives to develop our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  We need to call a Spiritual time out.  If you don't think you have time for a time out, realize that you can't afford not to take a time out.  Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.  D&C 18:10.  Sometimes it's easy to realize that the souls of others are of great worth in the sight of God, but we don't realize that that means OUR souls too.  God did not mess up when He made you.  God doesn't mess up.  Develop a love for obedience.  Complaining opens the door for excuses for poor performance.  When we stop complaining, we can focus on doing a better job. Laman and Lemuel did what they were supposed to do, but they complained and murmured the entire time.  That's the difference between them and Nephi.  They knew not the dealings of that God who had created them.  When we do understand the dealings of God, it's amazing the peace that will come into our lives.  When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.  We'll have power to endure, do to, to conquer adversity, to resist temptation, power to accomplish.  If you want more power in life, keep more commandments.  Be more righteous.  Be more faithful.  Vicarious learning.  If someone who is your same age or skill level is successful, that enhances your confidence.  When you see somebody else doing something, you feel like you can do it too. We can learn by observing others. One time he was struggling and talked to a young woman he was teaching in Seminary who came from a really bad family but who was determined to never give up and continue to try her best.  He took strength from her example.  Verbal persuasion can have a big impact and give a person confidence.  Sometimes all it takes is one person saying, "Good job!"  Hearing the Word of the Lord, testifying of the truth, teaching the gospel. Sariah was distraught in her worry about her sons.  She was complaining.  But Lehi spake unto her testifying that he had seen things in vision he knew that their sons would be all right.  His testimony comforted her in her moment of need.  If you want to develop trust in the Lord, bear testimony of what you know to be true.  Hearing the Word of God can help you learn to trust in the Lord.  We need to be willing to give up ALL (100%) of our sins to know God and receive great joy.  The Word of God changes people and allows them to trust in Heavenly Father.  It changes everything.  Psychological responses: How do you respond to adversity?  Some people make mountains out of molehills and it disables them emotionally. You need to learn to refocus and what to do when things get bad.  Learn to respond better.  We need to respond righteously to adversity.  This will greatly affect our ability to trust in the Lord.  Jeffrey R. Holland said, "When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived.  You have reason to stand tall and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about your sorrows and afflictions."  Trust that He is all powerful and knows all things.  Trust Him. The Lord said: Let your heart be comforted.  Be still and know that I am God.  When we're concerned about somebody, we can trust that they are in God's hands.  Timing is huge with the Lord.  We have a fourth watch God so we need to have fourth watch faith.  Sometimes when we feel like we can't wait any longer, we're only in the first watch.  Sometimes we want it NOW!  We're like spoiled brats.  Let's not be spoiled spiritual brats.  Be patient. Develop the ability to wait.  Trust in the timing of God. 

LEARNING THE ART OF UNDERREACTING (KIRK WILKINSON): This is a skill, that when you learn it, allows you to be at peace regardless of what is going on in your life. Many of you have circumstances that suck the peace out of your life.  But today we're going to stop the sucking and allow you to develop skills that will allow you to approach life differently and find peace no matter what is going on.  Who would you be without your problems?  Who would you be without the problems of others?  That is the person that you can become.  President Monson said "We may find that we have immersed ourselves in the thick of thin things.  In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes."  When and why do you freak out?  Fear, worry, panic and blame, already stressed out, a veiled form of showing your concern, demonstrate seriousness, contrary to your beliefs, morals, values, you have a drama addiction. Maybe you have a fear of bugs or spiders, but what he's talking about is the fear of being wrong or the fear of rejection.  Sometimes you freak out at the least little problem.  A drama addiction is when you don't feel comfortable unless there is a lot of drama in your life.  You seek drama because you feel value when you solve problems.  Freaking out is a defense mechanism, when they don't want to deal with things.  A lack of control, feel you are the only one who can do something, things didn't go the way you would have them, we combine intent with impact, repeated infractions and mistakes.  Freaking out has its consequences.  You are told the whole truth.  We are persuaded that children's divine conceptions are largely a product of how their parents treat them, particularly under conditions of stress.  If they are fearful to be open and honest with their parents because of receiving overreacting, angry responses they will learn to not be open and honest in prayer to God.  Demonstrates a lack of patience and faith.  Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father.  Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best--better than does God. Does anyone know better than God does.  Freaking out sends these signal that you can't handle it.  It demonstrates that you and your emotions are more important.  Can cause physical and emotional exhaustion.  Will reduce your peace and serenity.  Causes you to be anxious, stressed insecure and depressed and there is no energy left for things you can control.  Feel like the rest of your life is out of control. Impairs judgment in other aspects of your life.  Withdraw from people and experiences thinking you will get stuck with their problems.  Unable to discern when you have control and when you don't.  The art of under reacting does not mean don't care.  Does not minimize the seriousness.  Does not mean you won't be involved.  Means taking a step back before reacting.  Is a more effective response?  Is a faithful response--demonstrating that God is more powerful than you and He is in control.  Is recognizing the difference between being at peace and being a peacemaker.  Is choosing to make your peaceful emotions a priority--even over "making peace" in a situation.  Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.  People will react better to you if you don't freak out.  Learn to live drama free!  Drama usually comes to us from others.  Take a pencil and put it between your teeth and then tell the person to tell you all about all their problems.  Think about it.  When you have a pencil in your mouth, it approximates a smile.  When you're smiling, you're less likely to freak out. Three steps to under-react:  1. Say "I choose to under-react" 2. Take a step back 3.  Take a breath.  It's your Emotional Caller-ID. You don't have to emotionally "pick up."  Choose to underreact.  There is some miracle that happens when you do these 3 steps.  When someone brings a problem to you, you can own your own reaction.  Do this with big things and little things.  You are not your best when you are freaking out.  You want to be your best when serious things are happening in your life. Learn to let go of what you can't control.  Otherwise, the results will be disastrous 1. Ask 2. Assess 3. Act. Ask yourself:  1.  On a scale of 1-10 how much control do I have over this event, situation, people outcome?  What is it that I can actually control?  2.  On a scale of 1-10 how much influence do I have over the events, people, situation or outcome?  What exactly can I influence?  You'll probably be low on the scale of control and influence.  3.  Is my worrying, stressing and obsessing really helping?  4.  What is the worst that can happen if I let go?  5.  Who besides me believes that it is so important?  6.  What would really happen if I withdraw, step aside, or just say no?  Is the worst Okay?  Realize what a great teacher natural consequences really are.  Are you the one who really should be dealing with this and worrying about it?  7.  What is the message I am sending by reacting this way?  8.  Am I hanging on because I am afraid?  What am I really afraid of?  9.  Is this a matter of life and death?  10.  Am I being rational, realistic, and reasonable?  Learning to let go.  Access:  Assess whether you should, can, or need to take an active or passive role in the event, situation.  If passive then monitor the situation.  If active, then take the appropriate action.  Act! You have four options: 1. Remove yourself. Detachment -- Take an arm's length approach. Unmesh and untangle yourself from the situation--physically, mentally, and emotionally. 2. Accept it. Expect the best, accept the rest, mildly neglect.  Accept your assessment.  Accept your appropriate role (fixer, influencer, observer). Remember it may not be you and your emotions. Accept your ability, accept your authority.  Accept other's roles, authorities, ability, desire, dignity.  Shift from a worst case scenario to balance it with at least one best case. Realize that the sky isn't falling.  It's just a cloudy day. 3. Change it. Lead with love and not with fear.  Lead with dignity for all concerned (what is the message I am sending by doing this?) Look for adjacencies--you may not be able to control or fix the main problem but you may be able to influence something surrounding it. 4.  Or give it away.  Sometimes we deal with issues that are so heart wrenching that all we can do is ask the Savior to be our partner.  Come unto me, all Ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28) Surrender the things you can't control. Sometimes when one problem is solved, we transfer our fears to something else.  Where is God in that?  Sometimes when we're in a raging sea, He will calm the sea.  Other times He'll let the sea rage and calm us. You are better equipped to handle problems when you are at peace with yourself and at peace with your God.  These four are your only options.  There are no other options.  We will all have some adversity in our lives.  To those anxieties I think the Father would say, "Why are Ye so fearful?  How is it that Ye have no faith?"  A year ago he found out his 20 year old son was addicted to heroin.  They felt like freaking out.  But they could not have done what they did if they had not allowed the Savior to calm the sea and to calm them.  He helped them underreact.  And they were able to witness great and marvelous miracles.  Now their son is clean and sober.  Yes, there were terrible trials, but God was with them.  When you learn to underreact, a marvelous thing happens.  You open your life to miracles that are available to you.  Don't freak out.  Choose to underreact.  There will  be a miracle.  You'll be able to do things you didn't think you could do.  Ask yourself those 10 questions.  Assess.  Then act appropriately.  Give it away.  Let God be your partner in helping you be better at solving and handling the issues.  As he has learned to underreact, he has learned to be more faithful.  He's been able to feel peace, even when the storm raged around him and he thought he'd lose his son.  God's hand is there for you.  Reach out and take it.