BYU Women's Conference Notes -- Friday

DISCIPLESHIP AND OUR MINISTRY (SANDRA ROGERS):

She was upset with people she could not forgive.  Later, when she was trying to prepare a talk she felt she needed to get rid of these bad feelings to be in tune to give her talk.  She realized that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  Sometimes we have horrendous things to forgive; other times its petty things.  But in either case, the Lord can help us find peace and forgiveness.  One time she arrived in Salt Lake at 2:00 a.m. to attend General Conference in the tabernacle.  They slept in and didn't make it until 7:00 a.m. when the seats were full.  They were dressed in warm Arizona clothing, but it was snowing!  They were freezing!  A man who was seated warmly inside came out and told them they should have come earlier.  He rubbed it in that he had a good, warm seat.  And he kept coming out every few minutes to repeat what he said.  Eventually, they did find seating behind the choir.  They tried to enjoy conference, but kept having bad thoughts about that man.  This was 44 years ago.  She has reflected many times since on times when she may have smugly looked down on people standing out in freezing snow while she had a warm seat inside, not literally, but in many similar ways.  We are here to heal, to recover and to set free.  Our lives are the most powerful sermons we can ever preach.  In fact, they may be the only sermons some may ever hear.  We are humbled that our Father offered His only Begotten Son.  He offers peace and comfort and we should offer that same compassion to others.  Christ strengthens us.  We hunger and thirst after righteousness.  If we open our hearts and minds, the Lord will teach us and sanctify us.  We are merciful because we know He is merciful to us.  We are pure in heart because we know that is the key to having the Lord's Spirit with us always.  We are peacemakers because we know the Spirit does not come where there is contention.  We are willing to be persecuted for righteousness sake because we know His promises are sure.  Satan wants us to view women as nearly worthless.  But we know how much the Lord loves His daughters.  Our Savior loves us deeply.  The book Daughters in My Kingdom comes forth in a time when there is much misrepresentation of women's worth.  It testifies of woman's worth and affirms that the Lord will bless us with spiritual gifts as we serve Him through our service to others.  He knows us well.  He needs us to provide earthly watch care to each other.  The covenant women of the church can prevail over any and other challenges.  It has come for such a time as this so we can understand the incredible role women have as they seek out others and provide relief.  Some pioneer women who were leaving Nauvoo wrote "The Lord has beheld our sacrifice, come after us."  We can be disciples who are fit for the Kingdom.  May we follow Him. 

YOU EITHER HAVE TO LAUGH OR CRY: I PREFER TO LAUGH.  CRYING GIVES ME A HEADACHE (KAREN WHITING AND DUELLA B. WILLIAMS): 

She started out saying various things and she asked everyone to respond with "So what?"  She said she has 47 pins holding her leg and ankle together.  She has fallen 3 times in the last month and could not get up.  She got a hole in one the first time she went golfing.  She has been married twice in the temple and has been twice divorced due to their unrighteous choices.  We said "So what?" to all of this.  Growing up the believed three facts:  everyone got married in the temple, everyone had at least six children, and mothers stayed home to take care of the children.  She went to college, wrote to wonderful missionaries, but when she graduated she still hadn't found someone to marry.  She got a job and then met a returned missionary.  They got married on June 13, in sealing room 13, and spent their honeymoon in room 13.  She then had miscarriages. Mother's Day was just awful.  At church they'd ask all the mother's to stand and get flowers, and she was the only woman over 18 not standing.  They adopted a daughter, then another daughter.  Sometimes it seems like we get too much and we ask "why me?"  No one is immune from problems and pain.  Laughter strengthens your immune system.  If laughter was sold at Costco we'd all be buying it in bulk.  She feels that somebody here needs to be told the story of Keisha.  She married the love of her life.  They were excited to start having children, but she miscarried.  Then they had two girls, who are 9 and 7.  Then she got pregnant again, and had a daughter with Down's Syndrome.  This little girl is adorable and amazing.  She is 5 now.  They had three miscarriages after that.  One day Keisha was looking at pictures of Down's Syndrome children in an orphanage and she recognized one that was supposed to be her daughter.  They adopted her.  She laughed for the first time.  After that, Keisha got pregnant with twins.  A year ago she had 3 kids, and within a year she went to 6.  She now grateful that she didn't get pregnant right away because then they wouldn't have adopted Mia, and she needed to have Mia.  The presenter then told how she fell down stairs and crushed her ankle.  She was told she'd never walk again, but she does walk.  There are days that are difficult, but you just have to make it work.  Then she was called to be the Young Women president.  They went to camp.  In the middle of the night there was the storm to end all storms.  Do things that make you happy.  Do random acts of kindness.  She has an addiction to McDonald's sugar free lemonade.  She loves to pay for the people behind her at the drive through window.  She lives in an older community.  The woman next door is 104, the woman across the street is 95.  Other neighbors are in their 90's.  The 95 year old writes thank you letters.  They make us feel good.  Do random acts of kindness.  She met a wonderful man who seemed to have everything.  But he got a brain tumor.  His wife took care of him for 16 years.  His home was destroyed by a mud slide.  They moved and their new home was destroyed by fire.  They lost everything.  Now she always wears black because she lost so many clothes she didn't want to have to match anything anymore.  Her passion was choreography.  She threw herself into that even when her husband was so ill.  She is amazing.  You have to find something that makes you happy and then throw yourself into it.  Denise is a wonderful woman she taught school with.  She gets a headache when she cries, so she avoid crying as much as possible.  She says laughter keeps her sane.  Denise had three children.  In 1997 her daughter was killed in an accident.  In 2002 her son committed suicide.  In 2008 her third remaining child died.  She knows the Lord has a plan for her and she'll be okay.  She's an amazing woman.  She's thankful she hasn't had to go through what she has.  Diana always has a smile on her face.  She's gone through cancer and had a bone marrow transplant.  She was eating with friends and her friend's little boy grabbed her glasses and threw them on the floor. She bent down to get them and her chair fell over.  She was not a petite woman and could not get up.  Everybody was laughing.  When she finally managed to get up she announced to the whole restaurant, "It's okay.  Let's all laugh."  She got her meal free.  If you feel like you're not important, remember "For God so loved _______ (fill in your name) that He gave His only begotten Son."  We all have thunderstorms in our lives, but it takes thunderstorms to have the rainbows.  She hopes we don't all go out of her saying "So what?" 

She has nine kids.  They have a VMW. They all fit in there.  Their vacations are like a big party.  Life isn't always perfect.  We can cry over burning the rolls, or we can laugh about it.  Find some good in any situation.  She and her husband are both strong willed.  Everybody wants to do things their own way.  Her husband says, "Here's what you ought to do."  She thinks "That's a good idea, but I'll do what I want to do." She went horseback riding with her sister and some of their kids.  She came upon a tree.  She thought she could move the branch, but the branch moved her.  She fell off the horse onto the ground.  Her sister didn't know whether to laugh or cry, not sure if she was okay, but she started laughing and then everybody laughed.  It must have looked really funny.  When they got to the top of the ride they had such a beautiful view and enjoyed their lunch, and then what had happened 45 minutes earlier didn't matter.  On her daughter's second birthday it was Sunday and they went to church.  The bishop wished her a Happy Birthday and she snarled at him.  She found out the little girl hit her terrible 2's right on her birthday!  Now that daughter is 20 and the bishop still remembers how cute she was snarling at him when she was 2.  One day she asked her teenage daughter to help with the laundry.  She said no, she was too busy with Facebook and she hated laundry.  She asked her to clean the kitchen and she said no, I hate cleaning kitchens.  She told her mom that she had decided not to do anything in this life that she doesn't want to do.  A year and a half later she went to college and then she had to do laundry and dishes.  Now she's married and has to take care of somebody else.  She signed her son up for soccer.  They called her and said they needed a coach for the team or they couldn't play.  She asked them if they'd called any other parents and they said, "Yes, we've called all the parents."  So she had to coach so her son could play.  She works full time as a nurse, takes care of 9 children, and she and her husband do what they can to spend time with their children.  Being a nurse doesn't define who she is, it's being a mommy that she takes great joy in.  When she went to nursing school she was told not to sweat the small stuff and that it is all small stuff.  She can go through something hard and rise up on top.  She left four children in the van and the 2 year old got it out of gear and started it rolling.  The 4 year old jumped out.  She was running after the van.  She prayed like crazy while running toward the van.  Then the van stopped dead and she was at the door.  There was the two year old at the steering wheel.  She spanked him and threw him in his car seat.  She knew the Lord had stopped the van.  Walking around the van she saw a rock under the passenger wheel and knew the Lord had sent it to stop the van and saved her children.  The Lord knew that the rock was there.  She knows the reason that rock was there.  That rock fulfilled the measure of its creation in saving her family.  We have good days and bad days.  We have broken hearts and unfulfilled dreams.  That's okay.  Find other dreams.  Succeed!  We can laugh.  Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured. Every day is not a glorious day.  Sometimes there is fighting.  But other days are glorious!  They're wonderful!  We can work hard and be happy and have joy.  Sweet is the work.  Reach out and embrace the trials in your life. 

PATIENCE WITH YOURSELF: YOU ARE CLOSER TO HEAVEN THAN YOU SUPPOSE (JULIE BAGLEY AND MARY ELLEN EDMUNDS): 

Many of us are endlessly compassionate and patient with others, but have trouble being compassionate and patient with ourselves.  Sometimes she likes to read the ending of a book before she reads the beginning so she doesn't stress about what is going to happen to them.  Her husband and children laugh at her.  So she's going to share the end of her talk before the beginning--take time to be holy every single day.  Take time to speak to the Lord and feed on His word.  Take time to help others.  We live in a fast paced world.  We have come to except stuff NOW.  We want things FAST.  But there is a price to pay that involves patience.  Sometimes we wish we were smarter or better looking like somebody else.  Or we wonder why bad things happened to us or our loved ones.  We've all been given blessings and talents, but we've also been given challenges.  How do we deal with them?  Patience!  It's not wise to compare our weaknesses to somebody else's strengths.  God wants to help us eventually turn our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows this is a long term goal.  It takes patience.  It's okay we're not there yet.  A man sold his farm to search the world over for diamonds.  He dies without finding any.  The man who bought his farm back home discovered a hug diamond field on it.  Let's not lose patience and go searching in vain for something we already have.  We need patience to look for what's in our own back yard. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for us.  We need to be patient during the hard times.  He wants us to excel.  She doesn't have patience naturally, she had to cultivate this attribute.  Instead of trying to do better than somebody else, we should just do what we can do.  Do that with patience and you can become who the Lord wants you to be.  Patience is a godly attribute and has a calming effect.  Let the Lord be your guide.  There are three places to look for help--learn form your past, learn from heroes in the scriptures, and learn lessons from studying the life of the Savior.  Four years ago she got a call from Russell M. Nelson.  She was in a good place.  But then she got a call to serve in the Young Women's General board.  The meetings she attended were glorious.  But the women she attended with were wonderful, talented, smart--and comparing herself with them made her feel inadequate. She learned a lesson about divine worth.  None of us is perfect, but the Lord calls us anyway.   Jesus Christ was an example of perfect patience.  In the story of Mary and Martha, she often identifies herself with Martha who was losing patience with her sister.  Jesus told her she was careful in doing homemaking things but it was important that she sit down with her sister.  Her work would wait.  She needed to be patient, with herself and others.  The Savior wanted her to slow down, look to Him, and be holy.  Patience can heal souls.  We can only learn patience by experiencing the very things that try our patience. Moroni teaches us to wait upon the Lord.  When we're asked to do a difficult assignment do we feel inadequate?  Sometimes we know we can't do these things so we have to turn to the Lord for help. He will show us our weaknesses so we can be humble.  His grace is sufficient for the humble and He can make weak things become strong.  All it takes is patience with ourselves and looking to the Lord.  Take time to be holy.  The Lord knows our heartaches and challenges, and also our joys.  He lives and loves each one of us. 

She commended us for our patience in waiting line.  What causes impatience?  We live in a culture and society where we are so busy and we're used to having everything so instant.  Maybe we try to be like Wonder Woman every minute of every day.  We try to keep up appearances.  Being impatient with ourselves keeps us from being truly happy.  Patience is a virtue.  Anger is corrupting and degrading.  A single moment of anger can destroy years of positive deeds.  Every minute you're angry, you're losing 60 seconds of happiness.  Do not run faster than you have strength or means.  Can you picture Heavenly Father being impatient with you, or looking down on you and saying, "You really annoy me." The Lord will be with us even to the end of our days.  He will not leave us comfortless.  He will never leave us or forsake us.  If you don't know this is true, ask Him.  Where in the scriptures does it say, "Be ye therefore perfect by tomorrow afternoon." She's been working on patience her whole life, almost 100 years!  We can work on being patient.  We need to be patient with our efforts to develop patience.  Write down what was happening when you lost your patience.  How did you respond?  Becoming aware of what makes us lose patience can help us find different ways to respond.  Do you have a schedule that's way too tight?  Do we need to chop up your to do list.  Most good things take time.  You can't push them or rush them.  Find healthy ways to relieve frustration.  Punch a pillow.  Count to 10.  Walk up stairs.  Tell a love one, "I think I'm going to lose my cool.  Go run and hide."  Apologize to yourself.  Say, "I'm sorry, self."  Life should be enjoyable.  Try taking a picture of a mess your child made instead of losing your cool.  A clerk brought blanket after blanket down from high shelves to show a customer.  When there was only one blanket left he asked her if she wanted to see it too.  She said, "Oh, I'm not going to buy today.  I'm only looking for a friend."  He said, "Well, I'll bring the last blanket down too.  Maybe you'll find your friend in it."  Impatience is often the result of unfulfilled expectations.  Frustrated with dust?  Dust protects furniture.  Learn to say "I don't know."  Learn to say no to requests you can't respond to.  Use original excuses.  Nobody will know what to say and they'll just hang up. "I'm sculpting a frog out of cottage cheese."  "I'm memorizing my social security number."  "I'm an understudy for a matador.  His name is Al and he got gored."  "I'm working on a poem about mosquitoes."  "I would if I could, but I can't."  Start small, on little things that make you just a little impatient.  Work on the bigger things later.  Decide on your highest priorities.  When there are things you can't change, sometimes you just have to let go.  Be a good example.  We speak of the patience of Job.  But we can all learn to be more patience.  We're often kinder to others, even strangers, than we are with ourselves.  Link faith to patience.  Become more like the Savior.  With God's help, you can turn your weakness into a strength.  Say "I love you."  Apologize.  Forgive yourself.  None of us is experiencing a perfect life.  Never label yourself a failure.  Don't give into the feeling that you just can't do it.  God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed.   Come unto Jesus.  He will gently lead you. 

APPRECIATION: A FREE GIFT TO SOMEONE EACH DAY (JUDY B. TERRY AND JENNEFER BARNEY YOUNG): 

She loves to watch people and compliment them.  It's important to show appreciation.  It is contagious.  When you feel gratitude, express it.  Appreciation that is not expressed is not appreciation. If you can't find a person to express appreciation to, find something to express your appreciation to--even if it's to your toothbrush.  Never let a day go by without saying thank you to someone or something, and especially to Heavenly Father.  Give prayers of gratitude.  The small courtesies sweeten life.  Saying please, thank you and excuse me may seem outdated, but politeness is never out of style.  We never outgrow courtesy and appreciation.  We need to be examples of showing appreciation to others.  Oh the kind words we give shall in memory live and sunshine forever impart.  If you pass someone without a smile, give them one of yours.  If you smile at someone and they smile back, you win!  If they don't smile back, you still win, because you smiled at them.  Let's spread a little sunshine.  Represent who you are.  When someone is performing or speaking, smile at them.  Communicate that you're listening. When her grandchildren come to her house, they give her a hug.  They have so much love and happiness.  Make life better by just being part of it.  President Monson is a great example of showing love.  His daughter tells how when she comes to visit her parents, his dad greets her with love and tells her she is beautiful.  She is made to feel welcome.  She is home.  Scatter sunshine all along the way. Cheer and bless and brighten every single day.  Be alert.  When the Lord prompts us, we should act on it.  When you're in the right place at the right time to help, be thankful you can help someone in need.  One day her daughter felt impressed to call a friend who she knew would be home alone and asked if she could come spend the night.  They had a nice visit together.  Five years later that friend wrote her a letter telling her thanks because she had contemplated suicide that night.  Her son's friend found out he had a brain tumor and wasn't expected to live.  Her son was able to teach this young man about the plan of salvation--that death is not the end.  We do live again.  The friend was very humbled.  Then the son asked his friend if he would like a priesthood blessing, which he said he would like.  When the blessing was over, he stood up and hugged the two elder and said he appreciated it so much.  To show his appreciation, he shined both of their shoes.  They were both crying.  What a special way to show appreciation, through small and simple acts.  The man passed away a couple of weeks later.  Serve with Christlike attitudes.  President Monson always sees the best in people.  He lifts them and inspires them.  What can we do to follow that example?  How about if we get acquainted with a neighbor, or talk to a teenager in our ward?  We can find something good in the people around us and praise them.  If you're standing in line, talk to the people behind you and find something nice to say to them.  She knows one young man who was in a long, long line and struck up a conversation with the lady behind him.  They're married now.  Someone wrote an anonymous note to her son 20 years ago telling him how much they appreciated him.  What a wonderful idea!  She's thankful for the notes she has received.  She's been a widow for 17 years.  There were times she would pull down the covers of her bed and there were sweet notes from her children.  When her son shared with his daughter the note he'd gotten 20 years ago, it inspired her to write a note to a boy in her junior high, commending him for sitting with people at lunch who had no one to sit with them, even though people made fun of him for doing it.  The boy's sister told the girl that he cried when he read the note.  We are children of God.  He loves us.  May we appreciate our own talents and appreciate those around us who help is grow and learn.  She knows she can be with her husband eternally again. 

Appreciation is a wonderful thing.  It an be expressed to our Heavenly Father in prayer and to our family in words or notes.  Sometimes people use words of gratitude in flattery, thinking of themselves.  But true gratitude is appreciation for the other person.  Appreciation can be a free gift to someone each day.  Having appreciation and not expressing it is like wrapping up a beautiful gift but not giving it. Two year olds are just learning how to speak.  A large part of their vocabulary  is "thank you."  They us it all the time.  She got a letter from her son's soon to be bride.  She expressed great love and appreciation to her for raising such a wonderful son.  It's also a gift to us when we express appreciation.  It makes us happy also.  Her three year old granddaughter was diagnosed with cancer.  They expressed gratitude for little things.  They appreciated when she was well enough to go out, or well enough to eat a few bites.  Corie Ten Boom prayed prayers of thanks for all kinds of things in their concentration camp.  Her sister thought she was crazy when she thanked the Lord for the fleas.  But later they learned that the fleas had kept the guards out of their barracks.  The Savior expects us to show our appreciation.  We'll be happy as we do so.  The Savior was a wonderful example of showing appreciation.  Heavenly Father introduced His son and said He was "well pleased."  We need to have an appreciative heart.  In seeing her granddaughter with cancer and all the suffering through the treatments, it gave her an appreciation for who she is.  Our faith in Christ changes our perspective.  Come unto Christ.  Love God with all your might, mind, and strength.  Become holy, without spot.  We don't need to get discouraged, we just need to keep moving forward.  Keep progressing in the right direction.  Give appreciation to all we come into contact with.  Our natures can be changed through the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Our appreciative hearts can be enlarged.  Give the free gift of appreciation each day.  If we can give it to one person, we can give it to all people.  Touch others with a kindly touch.  If we make the world a better place, we will be happier.