Education Week Notes -- Friday

KNOW THEM THAT LABOR AMONG YOU:  PRESIDENT DIETER F. UCHTDORF (MARK D. OGLETREE): His is the first apostle who was born behind the Iron Curtain.  He has a great sense of humor and great warmth.  He has rock solid faith. He was born in Czechoslovakia,, although we associate him with Germany.  He married his wife Harriet in the Swiss Temple.  He was raised in a war torn country.  Even before his family were members of the church, his mother felt impressed to get out of a building and within minutes it was bombed.  The family moved to East Germany.  He remembers planes flying above their home and terror all around.  His father was conscripted into the German Army.  Because of his father's political views, their lives were in danger.  While the family was standing in line for food, they met a lady who was a member of the church.  They accepted the gospel and this changed their lives.  The gospel meant everything to this family.  His first assignment in church was to pump the organ.  He was baptized in a swimming pool.  The church became their family.  When he was 11, they had to flee again, from East Germany to West Germany.  He traveled with his mother and other family members traveled separately, but they reunited in Frankfort.  They were refugees with an uncertain future, leaving everything behind.  They opened a laundry.  He picked up laundry and delivered it on a bike.  He later found out he had a lung disease but his body had healed itself because of the exercise he got on the bike.  Because of this, he was able to pass his physicals and become a pilot.  He had to learn English but had great difficulty in doing so.  He knew if he didn't learn English he couldn't be a pilot, so that was his strong motivation.  As part of the German Air Force he came to America to pilot school.  He always felt that if he put the Lord first, everything else would fall into place.  Many of his talks can be tied into some kind of story regarding aviation.  He told the story of how a plane was off course by just two degrees, but it put them into the path of a huge mountain where they crashed and everyone was killed.  His wife Harriet was given gum by Americans when she was a child so she thought Americans were nice.  So when two Americans knocked on her door, she let them in and was happy to hear the gospel message they brought.  As her family accepted the gospel, light returned to their lives.  They found joy in their life again.  When they started attending church, it was the same church that Dieter was attending.  He noticed Harriet and fell in love with her from the first moment he saw her.  However, she did not feel the same way about him.  But he was persistent.  They married in 1962 and had two children.  He was a great husband and father.  In 1970 at age 29 he was made captain and kept souring up the ranks at the airlines.  He was called as the stake president at Frankfort.  In October 2004 he was called to the Quorum of the Twelve.  He is one of the most powerful speakers in the church.  He loves people.  He's engaging and genuine.  He inspires people and has a great gift.  He has emphasized having proper priorities.  We need to be focused on the right stuff, the things that have eternal consequences.  He also cautions that we need to anchor on the Savior.  There are great blessings for doing so. The opposite of patience isn't impatience, it's lack of faith in Heavenly Father.  If we have faith, we're firm, steadfast, and immovable and willing to submit our will to the Lord. 

CHARLES DARWIN--THE SEEKER:  DISCOVERING THE ADMIRABLE MAN BEHIND THE THEORIES (S. MICHAEL WILCOX): Darwin was not contentious.  He would not argue with you.  He got along with everybody and everybody liked him. Darwin had a sense of wonder at the world around him.  He had an intense curiosity.  He wanted to know about everything.  He studied earthworms.  How many of you are really interested earthworms?  He was versed as a geologist, a biologist, and a botanist. He took a trip and followed his footsteps and started to read about him.  The more he read, the more he loved the man. He doesn't see the old, bald man but sees him as a young man who collected everything.  As a boy, he collected beetles.  He once tore the bark off a tree and found two species of beetles he didn't have so grabbed one in each hand.  Then he saw a third beetle.  What could he do?  He popped the beetle in his mouth.  It spit a bitter liquid in his mouth so he spit it out and lost it.  Darwin had a desire to discover everything regarding living things.  He collected butterflies in rain forests.  His father was a doctor.  His mother died when he was 8.  He was raised by his father.  He idolized his father and wanted to please him.  He could not abide seeing things suffer.  He liked to fish but it distressed him to put the worms on the hook.  He killed a bird and that haunted him all his life.  He tried to collect already dead insects so he wouldn't have to kill them in order to collect them.  He did experiments in everything.  He and his brother checked out more books in the library than any other student.  He read Shakespeare.  After he witnessed an operation on a child, he decided he could not study medicine.  He couldn't stand hearing the child scream.  This was in the days before ether.  He couldn't stand to see suffering.  When he saw one man attack another in a bitter debate, he was very troubled.  His father decided that since he didn't want to be a doctor, he should be a clergyman.  He was fine with that, but he was not comfortable with some of the doctrines of the Anglican Church, such as their agreement with slavery.  He then got an offer to be an naturalist and traveling companion to Fitzroy.  He went to his father and his father said it was a crazy, wild idea and would ruin his future.  However, he said if he could find one man of common sense who agreed that taking a two year trip around  South America was a good idea, he could go.  He talked to his uncle who thought it was a great idea and wrote a letter saying as much.  So he accepted the position and went.  But it didn't turn out to be two years, it was five years.  He shipped specimens back to Henslow and won the admiration and love of everyone on the ship.  A child with a new toy could not have been more delighted with everything.  Fitzroy said he was a very hard working man.  He was perpetually seasick.  When the ship would dock, he'd go on long inland journeys to get away from his seasickness.  He hated controversy and would never defend himself.  But his friends defended him.  He was distressed by slavery.  He was thrilled with a Brazilian rain forest, beautiful nature.  His diary recounts glorious days.  He said no one could stand in those solitudes and not be moved.  He said he was in a delirium of delight.  He made friends with the gauchos.  This was wild west South America, but he had safe passage wherever he went.  He said they never knew in the morning where they would stay at night.  They carried their homes with them and camped around a fire where they would pity all those who were confined to houses.  He wondered about the mutability of nature and chewed on that for decades before he came up with his theory of the original of man.  When he came back, he fell in love with his first cousin.  She was not a neat housekeeper.  She was known as Little Miss Slipslop.  He wrote on a paper the pros and cons of marrying her.  On one side he wrote:  Less freedom to come and go as he pleased, more money to spend on books, not having to visit in-laws.  On the marrying side of the paper he wrote things like companionship, someone to talk to and grow old with, children, a nice soft wife on a sofa with music.  He decided to marry Emma.  He had ten children.  They watched their parents interaction and said their father was tender and caring.  Emma said he was sweet tempered and kind to animals.  He was warmly affectionate.  When his daughter Annie died, this was a very dark time for him.  Darwin passed on to his children his love of nature.  His son said he liked to hear his father admire the beauty of a flower.  It was a kind of gratitude to the flower itself.  He would gently touch a flower, admiring it.  He went to the Lake District with his daughter and they had a perfect day.  He could hardly sit still but would get up and admire the view from every fresh viewpoint.  He could not accept the Biblical story of the creation in six days.  He had concerns about religion.  He told Emma all his concerns before he married her so she could back out if she wanted to.  He wanted to be honest with her.  She encouraged him to read the New Testament and said she was afraid he hadn't given his whole attention to both sides.  He admitted he had spent much more time and attention on science than religion.  She told him she wanted them to be together forever and did not want this to be prevented either because there was no forever or because of his belief he would go to a different place than he would.  He kept that letter all his life and cried over it many times.  He said he could not believe in a God who would allow innocent animals to suffer.  His health was very difficult all his life.  He had trouble sleeping at night.  He'd become exhausted by his mind working constantly and unable to get to sleep.  A friend suggested that he could not be an expert on all species of animals until he became an expert on just one species.  So he studied barnacles for 8 years.  He got sick of barnacles. He had an extreme desire to perfect his work.  In his autobiography he wrote that as a young man he loved music.  But science took over.  He said if he could live his life over again, he would listen to music and poety at least once a week throughout his life.  He understood that he was too scientific and not well rounded.  At the end of his life he said he was not afraid of death and wanted Emma to know what a good wife she was to him.  For a man who loathed contention, it is ironic that he is responsible for so much controversy.  The deeper Darwin is the excited boy exploring the wonders of nature.  He can picture him surrounded by butterflies.  It's a pity that in all his searching of the wonders of nature, he never found God.  He can picture Darwin meeting God and asking question after question.  Who can resist the hungry student?  Darwin was the hungriest student on the earth.  The death of his daughter Annie at the age of 10 gnawed at his dwindling faith.  He knew he had not given the question of religion adequate thought and avoided the subject.  If more people were non contentious like him, there would not be doctrinal debates that have caused contention in Christianity.  We can disagree with others but still admire the people that they are.  May all of us, including Darwin, maintain our sense of wonder, worlds without end. 

THERE ARE TRUE PROPHETS OF GOD ON THE EARTH TODAY (RANDAL A. WRIGHT):  If we ignore warning signs on the beach we might get sucked into dangerous water.  If we ignore warnings of the prophets, we'll likewise be in spiritual danger.  If there is a problem in the world, the prophets will know.  If pornography is destroying marriages, they will know it.  If we don't look to prophets for guidance, who do we look to?  Celebrities?  Politicians?  Our parents?  That might be dangerous.  We have to be very careful who we follow.  Even the very elect can be deceived.  Failure to follow instructions can result in death.  Look a little closer at life and recognize what is going on around you.  Often parents can be the ones to bring in the videos or Internet connection that brings things into the home that destroy the children.  There are scary things happening in families.  Children might say, "Don't you trust me?"  We need to let our children know there are some things we do not do.  We need to stand up for what's right, even if it's lonely.  Wouldn't it be easier if all LDS families followed the prophet?  There's only one group that gives in to peer pressure more than kids, and that's the parents.  There may be parties missed, movies unseen, but we need to heed warnings.  But think about the blessings when we follow the prophet!  Give heed unto all his words.  The Lord will disperse the powers of darkness before you and the heavens will shake for your good.  Do we do things against our better judgment and get mixed up in things to be popular?  The plaguing sin of this generation is sexual immorality.  It is causing people to stumble.  Our youth are leaving the church in huge numbers and it's a frightening thing.  After the 1960's births out of wedlock spiral upward.  This is about the time the movies started becoming more sexual.  91 percent of those who start dating at the age of 12 are immoral before they graduate from high school, compared to only 20 percent of those who wait until they're 16 years old to date.  There is wisdom is the prophet saying to wait until you're 16 to date.  Parents who permit or encourage early dating, in the name of staying with what everyone else is doing, are asking for trouble. Steady dating should be avoided until they are of marriageable age. This should be after serving a mission.  If we fail to follow the Lord because of peer pressure it is to fear man more than God.  Why would we care more about what other people think of us than what the Lord thinks of us?  No one likes to be left out.  They want to fit in.  The world thinks that if you follow the First Presidency that's blind obedience, but it's okay to listen to three Budweiser frogs and do what they say.  Satan tries to tell us that if we commit one sin there is no hope for us so we may as well commit a variety of sins.  This is like if you shoot yourself in the foot and then figure you may as well continue to shoot yourself in various other places.  It only makes things go from bad to worse.  What happens when we fall for the world?  It's so sad.  He has a granddaughter with Down's Syndrome.  She is beautiful and loving and has brought such joy to their family. 91% of babies with Down's Syndrome are aborted.  That is heartbreaking. It's important not to judge others.  One time he was at a gas station filling up and noticed a man also getting gas.  The other man had a straggly beard with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  He found himself thinking poorly of that man.  Then he went to pay for his gas and realized he didn't have his wallet with him and didn't have any money to pay for the gas.  He started looking around his car but couldn't find any money.  He went to the cashier to explain his dilemma and she told him that the man with the cigarette had noticed his problem and paid for his gas.  This man was living the gospel by showing love and service!  When we live outside ourselves, we invite a beautiful spirit into our lives.  God notices our needs and watches over us, but it is usually through another person that He meets our needs. 

RECEIVING THE SUPPORT OF GOD DURING TRIALS, TROUBLES, AND AFFLICTIONS (S. DEE BARRETT):  Matthew 11:28-29 tells about the atoning yoke.  We can come unto the Savior and He will give us rest.  What an invitation!  Come yoke yourself with Him.  If you yoke two oxen together, which way do they go?  Whichever way the stronger one wants to go.  The Savior wants to help and enable us.  He wants to help us with all our concerns and troubles.  He invites us to learn of Him, understand His ways.  He may head up a steep hill and we'll think we want to go around an easier way, but we need to understand Him.  He is meek and lowly of heart.  We will find rest to our soul.  He's inviting us to come walk with Him.  Come look and see what He does.  Learn what He does.  If we're already yoked with God and walking with Him, now we just need to learn how He views trials and uses afflictions.  He'll carry us.  If you are hassled and you can't find quiet moments when reverence can proceed your receiving revelation, you are going to miss out on one of the most important blessings of being a member of the church.  Find time to be with the Lord.  If you think you're going to have a very busy day, you may need to spend an extra hour on your knees.  Don't ever think you're too busy to pray.  What a sweet gift to have this be a part of us.  Learn to be on time for sacrament meeting.  Make it a habit.  There should be soft prelude music for you to enjoy.  You can be still and know that He is God.  Sacrament Meeting is a powerful tool for revelation.  People receive their own revelations for taking care of their problems.  Renew covenants.  Be in tune so the spirit can come in and testify.  Many of your problems will be answered in Sacrament Meeting.  Pray more.  Take care of Sacrament Meeting. Stand still.  You can be in the midst of a trial, but you can stand still and know that He is God.  He can fix or correct anything.  Powerful thing.  Hear the words of the Lord and learn of Him.  Whoever puts their trust in God will be supported in their trials, troubles, and afflictions.  That covers all our concerns.  What are trials?  Things that happen to us without any action on our part.  Pranks of nature.  They could be health issues, disasters, earthquakes.  We shouldn't feel that the Lord is punishing us.  We need to yoke ourselves with God and learn how God will work with us.  The Jews believed that blindness was due to sin.  Jesus had to deal with this attitude.  When a blind man who had been healed testified of Christ, the Jews wouldn't listen to him, saying he was a sinner.  His mother was having health problems and somebody told her if she'd repent, she'd get better.  That isn't how it works.  The Spirit will help us to see this is not a punishment or something God uses to get even with us, it's just something we need to go through.  We need to move onward and move heavenward.  If we approach adversities wisely, they can be times of greatest growth.  We need to be thankful in all things.  We need to learn to laugh.  Have you ever seen an angry driver who acts like the other driver has insulted his honor?  Keep things light.  The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we are in life.  When you go through adversity, that's when people are watching.  That's when we reveal who we are the most.  If you want to bear witness to your testimony of your knowledge of Heavenly Father and send that message to your kids or neighbors or others, it is during your times of trial that you will testify of that the most.  That's kind of hard.  A couple of years ago he had three hernias and decided to get all of them done at once.  He couldn't use either side.  He was in so much pain.  He couldn't do anything.  He was down and out.  It took a long to heal.  He didn't see it as a punishment from God.  But he asked why.  What did he do to deserve this?  He had to keep reminding himself that this was just a trial.  We're going to have these trials so we need to learn to get through them.  Have you ever been in trouble?  The Lord will support us in our troubles.  Troubles are personal mistakes.  John 8:1-11 tells about a woman taken in adultery who others wanted to stone.  Jesus said he who was without sin could cast the first stone.  They were convicted in their own consciences and slunk away.  That is a miracle to give people a conscience. He asked the woman where her accusers were.  Had no one condemned her?  Neither did He.  He told her to go and sin no more.  He was telling her to repent.  He told her to go and be better.  There are times when we'll make our personal mistakes.  We'll fall short.  But the Lord is not condemning us, He's calling us home.  He wants us to repent and come back.  We should not condemn either, ourselves or others.  If you make a mistake, do better.  When Alma the Younger was wracked with torment because of his sins, he was not paying for his sins.  The Spirit was preparing him for the atonement to take away his sins.  Godly sorrow us a gift.  Sometimes people who have sinned feel the Spirit chastising them and react by avoiding reading the scriptures, attending church, praying or doing anything that allows the Spirit to talk to them.  But instead of avoiding things of the Spirit, we need to repent so we can feel good again.  The Holy Ghost wants us to be men and women and take the consequences.  Do you take the beating or avoid the beating?  Take the beating and then it's over and done.  The Lord works with us to change our hearts so we have no more disposition to commit sin.  How much will you allow the Spirit to beat you up?  How intense?  The process will take longer if you don't allow the beating.  Let the Spirit beat you up and move on.  The Lord cares about you.  He's going to call you.  When He stops calling you, that's when you've got something to worry about.  He uses those He corrects.  If He's correcting you, He needs to use you.  Afflictions are other people's actions that affect you.  The Lord can come to us in our afflictions and deliver us.  He will comfort and cheer us.  It takes an act of faith to be of good cheer during afflictions.  The Lord says He'll take care of us.  He will ease our burdens so we cannot feel them.  He had terrible pain for six months and then had surgery.  He had to lay in his bed for six weeks.  What a trial!  But as he expressed gratitude for small things, his pain lessened.  If we are cheerful and grateful, the Lord will lift our burdens even in the midst of our trials.  If you persist, your burdens will begin to lift.  Submit cheerfully and with patience all the will of the Lord.  The act of faith is to be cheerful.  Mortality is a period of testing.  It is a time to prove ourselves worthy.  In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties.  Turn to your Heavenly Father in faith.  This means to be cheerful.  He will lift you and guide you.  He will not always take your afflictions from you but He will lift you and guide you through whatever storms you face.  The Savior has suffered not only for our iniquities for also for our inequalities, the unfair things that beset us.  The enabling powers of the atonement are connected and complimentary.  The Lord empowers us to be able to deal with the affliction.  We'll all have trials, troubles, and afflictions.  It doesn't mean we're doing less than what we should.  Hopefully when we sin, we can repent quickly.  But trials are going to happen.  Things will happen.  But know that God, the Father of our Spirits, knows and is prepared and will take care of us.  He is kind.  He is forbearing, and He is much more merciful than anything we deserve. 

THE TRANSFORMING POWER OF GRACE--WHEN THE WORLD SAYS "GIVE UP" HOPE WHISPERS "TRY IT ONE MORE TIME" (JACK S MARSHALL):  If we humble ourselves before God and come unto Him, He will show us our weaknesses and He will make weak things strong unto us.  How can we change unless we really see ourselves for what we are?  We have to see our faults to change them.  When a natural man is confronted with his weaknesses, he becomes angry and defensive.  He may use justification, rationalization, denial, shift the blame, or attack back. Remember when you were younger thinking you'd never become like your parents?  Look what you've become.  Sometimes we're blind to our own weaknesses.  It's painful to see our weaknesses, but a blessing. Some are tested by poor health, some by the passions of youth, some by the infirmities of age, some by the disappointments in marriage, some in poverty, some by the ease of luxury.  When half the world is starving, you have a house for your car.  The Lord gives us weakness so we can be humble.  Humility is to believe, not to counsel God.  There is a God in Heaven, and you're not it!  The Lord's tender mercies are the Lord's personal love, kindness, grace, support, gifts, which we receive because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.  We all come out of different environments and we'll all be judged accordingly.  He takes into consideration all aspects of our lives.  The Lord's grace is sufficient.  He taught a wonderful young man in Seminary years ago.  He called him excited when he was set apart as a missionary.  He wrote to him while on his mission, telling him about his mission companion in the MTC.  His companion was from Australia and they were heading for Asia.  He and his companion would talk about their hopes and goals.  They shared worry about unfinished business back home and together they went to the branch president and shared their concerns and they both got sent home. This young man began to trust in the grace of Jesus Christ and to study and believe.  He attended Institute classes and did whatever he could to put his life in order.  Six months later he went back out on his mission.  He'd had a repentant attitude and Heavenly Father was pleased with his efforts.  He went back to the MTC for a refresher before leaving to go into the mission field.  When he got his assignment and was assigned to the very same companion that he'd had six months ago.  They had entered the MTC on the very same day. One from Utah and one from Australia, with no contact with each other, had made the same changes in their lives to make things right.  Heavenly Father can make us new creatures in Christ.  We cannot attain perfection with simply our own human effort.  Whenever we fail, we need to pick ourselves up and try again.  Keep going!  We need to learn to depend on God and His grace.  We cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments.  The one things that will condemn us is saying, "This is just the way I am.  I give up."  When we fail, we just need to keep at it and keep at it.  When Peter tried to tell the Savior that bad things would not happen to Him, Jesus said, "Get thee behind me, Satan."  This is the tactic that Satan tried on Jesus, telling him that nothing bad would happen.  Bad things do happen, even to the best of us.  Jesus told Peter that he would deny Him three times, which he did, even though he said he'd never do that.  Peter went out and wept bitterly.  He felt very, very badly.  But notice what grace will do for Peter.  After Jesus is crucified, He is resurrected.  He calls His apostles to life's missions.  He asks Peter three times if he loves Him.  He allows Peter to express his love three times and tells him to feed His sheep.  He is calling him on a mission.  There was healing going on to allow Peter to reiterate his love three times.  He tells Peter to follow Him.  He took the gospel to the ends of the earth to feed His sheep.  When Nero hears that Peter is in Rome, he wanted to kill him.  Disciples encourage Peter to leave Rome.  But he sees in vision Jesus going to be crucified but says no, Lord, this time I will die for you.  He doesn't even feel worthy to be crucified as Jesus was, so insists of being crucified upside down.  If we're willing to take ownership for our weaknesses, by the grace of God we can be saved.  When the world whispers give up, the Spirit whispers try it one more time.  Be patient with yourself. 

DYING WITH DIGNITY: THE TRUTH ABOUT DEATH, DYING, AND HOSPICE (STEVEN EASTMOND): There are myths about death and dying.  Some myths about death: 1. Death is always painful.  That is not always true.  Pain can be well managed.  2.  If you talk about death, someone will actually die--so don't talk about it.  3.  If you tell someone who is terminally ill that they are dying from an illness, they will give up--so don't tell them.  Medicare says people qualify for Hospice is they have a life expectancy of six months or less, even if they have no symptoms.  The reason for this is because the family refuses to talk about the subject and the person needs someone to talk to.  4.  Being present when someone dies is a horrible experience.  This is not necessarily true. It doesn't work like the movies say.  5.  Sudden, unexpected death is harder to deal with than death that is anticipated (such as due to illness).  6.  Because I have strong faith and religious beliefs, I will not have a hard time with a loved one's death, or with my own (conversely, since I am having a hard time, I must not have very strong faith).  Some common myths about dying.  1.  It's bad to cry in front of the dying.  You don't want to do it all the time, but it can be therapeutic.  People who try to be stoic usually try to avoid the topic.  They don't discuss what is happening and they don't discuss feelings.  We need an adequate balance between talking about fun things and talking about what is going on.  2.  Children should not be around people who are dying because it will scare them.  The most traumatic experiences for children are when people tried to keep the children away from the dying person.  That is worse.  It scares the children and makes them feel like death is bad and scary.  3.  Talking about a dying person's experience or feelings a about death with them will always depress them.  Actually, the opposite is true.  If they don't want to talk about it, they'll let you know.  We need to let them lead out in what they want to talk about.  4.  I (or my loved one) will get addicted to pain medicine like morphine if it's taken to control pain, or the morphine will actually kill them.  It might create a dependence but it's not something to worry about when their life expectancy is short. 6. If my loved one does not eat they will starve to death.  I am a bad caregiver if I can't get them to eat. Often nothing sounds good to the dying person.  The appetite is not there.  This is normal and part of the process that the body is doing something to get ready to die.  The body doesn't want to do food right then.  Hard choices when a person is dying.  Preparing advance directives.  This is a living will, or listing interventions, or giving someone a medical power of attorney.  Making funeral arrangements ahead of time.  You can find a funeral home that will work with you ahead of time.  It's odd going in there and picking out your own casket, but things can then go the way they want them to go.  One woman had terminal kidney failure.  Two years later she was still around and she participated in arranging her own funeral.  She decided she wanted to speak at her own funeral and made a video tape of herself to be played at her funeral.  It went just beautifully!  Care centers.  Often a son or daughter will say, "Mom made me promise never to put her in a home."  But she gets in a situation where she needs 24/7 care and it isn't feasible anymore.  You promised mom when she was in good health.  What ought to happen is that if mom's needs are too great and she needs to be put in a center, the family should visit her as often as possible.  You can accomplish things within the home, but there are worse things than going into a care facility.  If the needs are too great, that sometimes needs to be the next step.  Feeding tubes and artificial hydration.  As a person is getting ready to pass away, the body doesn't assimilate food well so these choices at the time of death only prolongs what is going to happen anyway and often puts the person in a miserable place.  It is not pretty in most cases.  If a healthy person gets sick and has a good likelihood of getting well, these things are helpful.  But they are not useful to a dying person.  Taking a person off life support is a difficult decision.  The family member can feel guilty for doing this.  They may feel like they made them die.  But by the time they're on life support they can't usually communicate their wishes.  You need to do what they decided on beforehand.  When we're healthy and strong it's good to be resuscitated, but if we're near death, there may not be any benefit.  There comes a point when we're ready do go.  It's a hard choice to put people on Hospice care, comfort care instead of trying to make them well.  Some people feel their loved one will give up if they're put on Hospice.  If you are prepared, you shall not fear.  Get your advance directives in place.  Trust, will, estate planning.  You don't even need a notary but only a witness for a living will and medical power of attorney.  Have a "When it happens" file.  It might include banks, loans, account numbers, passwords, where extra keys are kept, funeral plans, burial wishes,insurance, names of who to contact, information for taxes, mortuary, things no one else knows how to do (where to hit the fridge so it stops rattling), last words to loved ones.  Think ahead.  You never know when something will happen to you, even if you're young and healthy.  What would your husband or wife not be able to do if you were suddenly gone?  Look it at from the perspective of other people.  Death doesn't have to be painful.  There is a balance between pain management and lucidity.  Let the individual control that.  Dignity can be preserved.  Dying s a process of the body shutting down.  The body knows what it is doing.  It's programmed for this.  When a woman is pregnant, the woman's body knows what to do.  This is the same way.  Trust that the body knows what to do.  The body will go into a process of active dying.  The breathing patterns shift.  The digestive system will change where it isn't interested in food.  As a person gets weaker, they don't need energy.  If you feed them too much they'll actually get sick because the food just sits there.  Also, they can aspirate the food.  One man would eat a Wendy's Frosty every day. It was the only thing he could eat.   But then one day he decided he couldn't eat another Frosty.  A nurse had to sit down with the wife and tell her he couldn't eat any more Frosties.  Also taste buds change.  You can't taste food anymore so you don't want to eat it.  One lady said her food tasted like cardboard or curtains.  Don't feel guilty if the individual doesn't feel like eating. A rule of thumb for eating is: Always offer, never force.  When the body loses it's ability to process fluid, it's part of the process of dying.  If you try give them artificial hydration, all they'll do is swell up and retain the fluid.  It's a time to say what needs to be said:  I love you, I'm sorry, thank you.  You just can't say it enough.  During the actively dying phase, say things to the loved one like "You've been a great dad.  It's okay for you to go now."  Services are available to help your loved one through the physical and emotional issues of death and dying.  Going on Hospice isn't giving up, it's giving more.  It gives them more options, more potential to work through things.  Hospice doesn't necessarily mean that a person will die soon.  Many people live longer than the six months.  As long as they still qualify, it can be renewed.  Bringing Hospice in doesn't hurry up the process.  Hospice is not just for cancer patients.  It's for anyone with a terminal diagnosis.  If you go on Hospice once and then get better and don't need it anymore, you can get Hospice again at a later date.  Hospice is not a specific place.  All hospice programs are not the same. Some send a nurses' aide once a week.  Others send chaplains, social workers, nurses, bereavement support, volunteers, massage therapists, or provide other services.  Check out hospice companies before you pick one.  83% of people don't even understand Hospice care.  It's not just service, it's helping people to be comfortable during their last days.  It's not just physical comfort but also emotional and spiritual comfort.  It is helpful to patients to be able to talk about their spiritual beliefs.  Based on a person's belief system and thoughts about what is coming next, relationships here, etc.  It is NOT about being okay with one's religion or making sure the person's testimony is strong.  You need to open up the opportunity for people to talk, regardless of their religious background.  Even if they seem strong in their faith, they may be feeling scared and are afraid to tell anybody for fear they'll be judged for having a lack of faith.  Death is the separation of our spirit from our bodies; and the end of our mortal existence on the earth.  It comes to everyone.  It's a necessary part of the plan.  People perceive it differently.  The child and teen:  something that does not happen or should not happen to them.  People may need help processing it.  The young and/or healthy:  something awful and bad; to be shunned and not discussed.  But it does need to be discussed and processed.  The aged and/or sick:  a release to be welcomed with open arms when it comes; a reunion with loved ones.  But every person sees it differently and even someone aged or sick may not be ready to go.  People fear death because they fear the unknown, they fear the dying process (pain, trauma, loss of dignity), they fear loss of control, they fear leaving relatives behind, or they fear leaving loose ends or not being ready or prepared to meet God.  He has attended many deaths and every one except for one had a peaceful feeling.  The one who didn't was a very wicked man who had done terrible things in his life.  He died very agitated and was fighting to the end because he knew he was not prepared to meet God.  We laugh, we cry, we work, we play, we love, we live.  And then we die.  And dead we would remain but for one man and His mission, even Jesus of Nazareth.  As people get close, they seem to have one foot in and one foot out--and that seems normal to them.  Often they can see people who have passed on, and talk to them.  The veil is real but it is just a veil.  Often there is a feeling that people are near us.  We can feel their presence and know they are there.  The veil separates us from the other side, it does not erase the other side.  Sometimes when with a dying person, you can feel like there's a whole room full of people there. Special things happen.  There is nothing to fear in death.  He has learned so much from patients not to be afraid.  One woman had a daughter caring for her.  The daughter's husband had died of cancer a year earlier.  Just before the mother died she said to her daughter, "George says to tell you he loves you."  Then she died.